Every day is a battle

Every day has to be taken as it comes .
Every day I have to not think of the tiredness and panic it brings.
I just have to take a deep breathe and get on with it.
It is a great learning experience
A great challenge and use of my internal strength.
There is no question of not making it or giving up. It is no longer about me but my son.

Got there in the end!

 

I'm pregnant at long last!

This time last year it felt like it would never happen and now I am here feeling nervous about coping with a baby of my own.

So how did I get here. We were trying for a baby I was hoping and hoping - nothing.

In May I became very ill and nearly died. It took me months to recover and then boom we found out I was pregnant at a time I thought no it'll take ages for my body to adjust back to normal. So what happened - did my illness do something to my body - did the medication I took... I think the answer lies in the fact I stopped trying. I was forced by my illness to go with flow of life. To relax and do things at an easy pace. Boom it happened.

I think this is true in many things in life. We become so focused on a goal on wanting something so much that we become blocked. We miss golden opportunities because it looks different than expected. We stop going with the flow and try marching against the tide. We become overwhelmed at how hard it is. We become exhausted and eventually we give up. We decide to play it safe and stick with what we know and stop moving forward.

I'm not saying you don't have to try or plan because of course you do. But you also have to take a deep breathe , relax and feel the opportunities that are flowing towards you. Even if they flow slowly. Some things take time to accomplish and we have to set up the right conditions we have to be ready when the opportunity comes our way rather than missing it because we gave up as it did not come instantly or in the way we expected.

We can accomplish everything we want to just not necessarily at the time or way we expect to.

First test

Did my first pregnancy test today,
Negative,
Feel both sad and relieved,
Is that even possible?
I want to be
Yet I'm scared to be,
How wonderfully confusing life is!

Prince

I'm destined to never meet you,
Our paths will never cross,
Yet you have been there
At every major junction in my life,
You have touched my very soul
Given me hope
And renewed my faith,
We have different beliefs
Different pathways but....
Every time I have been low
You have raised my spirits high,
Thank you for being there
I can now find my way home.

Acceptance

Reality is all around us,
It is not going to change,
Just ‘cos we want it to.
We can choose to ignore it,
But why be a victim of it?
Choose instead to let it save you.

Accept what can and can’t be done,
Otherwise you will keep banging your head against the wall,
You will keep missing the opportunities that are before you,
You will be focussed on something that is not real.

Have the courage to see the truth,
Not everything is going to go your way,
Not every person will act as they should do,
But that does not mean your world stops
Does not mean you have lost.

Have the courage to accept life as it is.
If it is meant to be it will happen,
Maybe not how you first thought,
Maybe not as quickly as you first wanted,
But in time things will fall in place.

Accept life as it is.

What do I have to accept right now

I have to accept I cannot eat what I want,
I have to accept that if I do it makes me feel bad,
It’s not about what I look like,
It’s not about what I weigh,
It’s about feeling good and being healthy.

I have to accept that is just the way life is.

Introduction

I have thought long and hard about doing a blog. When I was a teenager I use to want to publish my own book of poetry. I even wrote one.

Writers say write about what you know, but what I know leaves me open and vulnerable. As a budding writer I was told to find my voice. When I was young I felt so alone and isolated. On talking to people I discovered that lots of people feel that way too, maybe my words, my experiences can help someone else realise they are not alone.

It is time for me to let my voice speak.